About Unemployment

In a few months I will be transitioning from an unemployed individual to a stay at home mommy.  The transition will happen whenever this little gal makes her appearance.  Besides actually giving birth I won't have to make any other changes....professionally.  The decision to be a stay at home mom was not a conscious decision.  I always figured I'd be a working mother simply because it makes financial sense.  Things don't always go the way I figured.

Back in 2012 I lost my job and began immediately looking for a new gig.  That search proved to be very difficult.  I didn't think I'd just magically conjure up a brand new job, but I never imagined how difficult it would be to find that new position.  For the last part of 2012 and into 2013 I looked and looked......and found nothing.  I was receiving unemployment at the time so that cushioned the blow a little.  I'll admit, it was sort of nice at first.  I didn't have to get up early, and I could do whatever I wanted to do each day.  My schedule was my own.  Like I said, it was nice....at first.  After the first few weeks I began to realize that sitting at home with the dogs was not all it was cracked up to be.  I love my dogs, and my free time, but no matter how many times I cleaned the apartment or ran errands I just felt so.....unproductive.

It was almost the middle of 2013 when I did finally get a new job.  My friend got me a job with her.  It was a good job with a very flexible schedule.  However, as I've mentioned before, my knees are not the greatest.  This was a very physical job.  We did not mix well.  Within a few weeks my knees were so swollen that I couldn't walk.  I was literally using a cane.  In order to attend a festival with my fiancee's family I had to be pushed in a wheelchair.  Luckily my sister was able to get me a different job with her.  I was working with kids, so it was still sort of physical, but not nearly so much that my knees couldn't handle it.

Things seemed to be going well.  I was in the final stages of wedding planning, and had a steady job.  Things were looking up for this girl.  Things were not what they seemed at that job, but I was offered another position to start immediately after my wedding.  That job was amazing.  In an unfortunate turn of events, however, I had to resign from that position in a relatively short amount of time.  An uncontrolled migraine made it impossible for me to perform my job, and working with management it was decided I could resign rather than being fired as a liability.  Awesome, right.

I've mentioned my run at Kmart in a previous post......and that brings us to now.  Unemployment and I are very familiar with one another right now.  I'm very lucky that my husband makes enough that we can still pay our bills while I'm out of work.  Things would be so much easier for us if I was working, but as I mentioned, there is a third person we have to consider now.  Any job I take now has to be worth it.  I don't want to take a position where my entire paycheck goes to a daycare.  What's the point of that?  If in the end I'm not bringing extra money home, I want to be the one raising my child.  I'm not against daycare at all.  I think it's a great way for kids to socialize and even begin the preschool process while mom and dad are out making a living.  My sisters both work at a daycare, I have in the past.  However, if the only reason I'm going to work is to pay for daycare, that doesn't make much sense to me.

I've applied to a few good jobs that would provide extra income even after paying for daycare.  I applied to one this morning in fact.  However, I'm a few short months away from having a baby.  I know that most employers are not going to want to hire a new girl to only have her take an extended leave just a few months later.  Granted, they can't discount me for employment simply because I'm pregnant, but that would not be the reason they give for not hiring me.  Especially if they have a ton of other completely qualified candidates who don't need leave so soon.

I was watching the news the other day and there was a report about job hunting.  They said to find a good job it's not only about your qualifications, but who you know.  I know that to be true.  In the past I've found several jobs because I knew someone who was already "in".  Unfortunately, out of all the people I know right now, none of them can help.  So, like I said, I will be a stay at home mommy.

I'm trying not to stress about the money and focus on what a gift it is to be able to spend time with my daughter.  I'm so blessed that my husband is very much on board with this.  He's not expecting me to continue to apply for jobs right now.  He's not opposed, but wants me to focus on the special little lady that will be coming into our lives this summer.  If I find a job before she's born, great.  If not, I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.  This stretch of unemployment is for a reason.  I've always wanted to be a published writer and devote more time to this blog.  While I know my free time will soon be occupied, maybe this is my opportunity.  Maybe I'm meant to be home for my daughter (and any future children).  Maybe just maybe this unemployment is not a blow to my professional life, but a vital opportunity for my and my family's future.  Guess I'll find out.

What a Difference

Yesterday I was a desperate woman.  I was watching time tick by until I started a job that was my only option.  The job wasn't a horrible job, it just didn't really have the schedule that I have become accustomed to.  When options are low, we just have to do things we may not look forward to.

That being said, it's interesting what happens when options come unexpectedly.  It's funny that I talked about going backwards last night.  This potential new opportunity comes from my past.  It's a company I've worked for before.  It's a job I probably would have kept had I not been determined to try and find a teaching job right out of college.  Of course, it's not exactly the same job, but it's close.  It's going backwards, but in a different way.  I have a phone interview tomorrow morning.  I want to nail it!  I want them to see that although I walked away back then, that I know they are a good company to work for.  

I don't want to get my hopes up.  I know that just because I have this appointment tomorrow doesn't mean I've got this job locked.  Boy do I want it though.  They have great benefits with this job and the schedule is just the tip of the iceberg.  Maybe this is the great thing I've been hoping is out there.  Then again, maybe I'll blow it.  You know me, I don't want to pin my hopes and dreams on a possibility.  

So, I'll be praying tonight, and it will sound something like this, "Lord, no matter what happens tomorrow morning, please remind me that I have done my absolute best, and let me be the best I can be at whatever job I end up with. "  If you're a praying person, think of me tonight.  It seems selfish to even ask, but I've been really scared as I've been unemployed and have been grasping at whatever straw is dangling in front of me.  I finally see a straw I want.  I just hope it doesn't disappear.  

Sweet dreams everyone.  Lovely day tomorrow.

Superstitious

I just know the second I type this sentence I'm going to regret it.  Not that sentence, the next one coming right up.  I'm about a week and half restless leg free.  Great, now it's all out there in the universe and tonight I'll be flopping all over the place.  Oh well, it is what it is.  For almost an entire week I wouldn't go to bed without eating an orange because that's what I had right before I went to bed the first night my legs were calm.  Maybe it was the orange, maybe not.  However, I'm restless leg free without oranges.  I've been fighting those legs for years now.  I finally had to get on medicine.  Then, I was sick of relying on that medicine, and went back to fighting.....and won.  I didn't see that coming.

I also got a job.  I haven't started yet, but as soon as that background check comes back I'll be employed.  Temporarily.  I'm a seasonal employee of JC Penny.  I love that store, I just hope I love working there.  You see, I'm torn.  I need a job.  There is absolutely no doubt about that.  However, I worked very hard to get to a place where I was doing something I loved, with people who were awesome, and I got to be off weekends and holidays.  That was huge.  As many people I treasure those weekends and holidays because that's family time.  I can kiss those weekends goodbye real soon.  I may have to work on Thanksgiving too.  That's hard for me.  I feel like I'm going backwards, rapidly.  I loved working at UDF, but I missed out on everything and got depressed.  I was so happy to move onto jobs that so far have allowed me to have that free time.  So, yeah, I'm going backwards.

I'm not only losing those weekends and possibly Thanksgiving, but probably my evenings too.  I know, geeze, could I be any more doom and gloom about this job?  I blame the fact that I just finished watching The Walking Dead.  It's hard to be cheery after watching a show about the zombie apocalypse.  Anyway, I was told flat out that I cannot request any weekends off.  I'm smart enough to know the new, temporary girl, isn't going to get the good shifts.  So, if I'm working evenings, there's a good chance I'm not going to be seeing my husband too much during the week either.  He'll probably be in bed by the time I get home.

I don't want to sound ungrateful.  I'm so glad I finally have a job.  I just always thought I'd be moving forward, not backward.  It's just temporary.  Which is good and bad.  On one hand, after the holidays I can have my weekends back.  On the other hand, ummm, hello unemployment.....again.  I pray I have the strength to remain positive even though I may miss things I would have otherwise been doing with my family.  Go figure, my parents raised me to be close to my family.  That's why it's so upsetting to miss out on those family gatherings.  People I love have been lost way too soon.  I'm lucky to have had so many memories to cherish.  I don't want to miss out on making all those memories with the people I love that are still here.

I wonder what the me from 10 or 15 years ago would think of the me now.  Let's see, two years into college, I was working at UDF and wanting to move forward into my career.  It's kind of funny.  I'm about to be in a similar position.  I think the me from back then would laugh.  Oh well, moving on, moving forward.  Back then both my professional and romantic lives both sucked.  At least now my personal life is perfect.   Maybe this is just another step.  Maybe something great is waiting for me in my career.  Maybe it could hurry up and get here.