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Friday, March 14, 2014

Oh Baby......

I have not always been sure of some things in my life.  One thing I have always known, without a shadow of a doubt, is that I wanted to be a mother.  Growing up, I kept lists of my favorite names so that when I was all grown up and ready to have kids, I'd have a head start naming them.  I dreamed about having the "baby bump", spending time cherishing all the little things that come with pregnancy, and being so excited as my due date gets closer and closer.

Well, now is that time.  As you may know I'm married to my very own Prince Charming.  He's the best husband, and I know he will be the best father.  We were married in August and found out in October we were going to be parents.  Yeah, talk about a whirlwind, but we're both thrilled.  I'm almost 25 weeks along.....more than halfway there, and more excited every day.

However, there are some things that have not gone exactly how I'd always imagines.  For example, I figured I'd muscle through that first trimester of morning sickness, and move on to glowing for the rest of my pregnancy.  Um, WRONG!!  I dragged myself through that first trimester and waited for the day I didn't need a pill to keep my lunch (or breakfast, dinner, snack, drinks....)down.  I knew it would be coming any day.  Any day turned into, maybe next week.  Maybe next week turned into, I'm going to need a pill to keep my food down for the rest of my life!!!  Yep, I still have morning sickness.  I can skip a day on the medicine, but still, it's progress.  In the first trimester I lost 22 pounds.  I'm still down about 13 pounds because I still have no appetite most of the time, but baby and I are healthy, so point for us.

I've had bad knees since I can remember.  So, I was prepared for knee issues as I gain my bump.  I've had no knee issues for the most part.  My head, back, hips, yes, issues, but knees, not so much.  I actually had a job at Kmart near where I live.  I was working with my mom.  Unfortunately, the job was only available because they needed help to close down the store, but still it was a couple months of a steady paycheck which would take some of the pressure off my hubby.  A week in I noticed my back would be so sore after work that I could hardly walk.  I figured I'd give it time, after all, I'd been off my feet for a while.  Rather than getting better, it got worse.  I literally woke up one morning and could not put any weight on my feet because my back wouldn't let me.  Well, hello Sciatic Nerve Pain.  I hear you pop up from time to time in pregnancy too.  You're not fun.  I think I'd rather be puking.  In fact, you made that difficult too.  This girl can't get to the bathroom fast enough because I can't walk very well.  That leads to an episode of having to wash the bathroom rug.  I was so darn close.....yet so far away.  Oh well, that's what the washer is for.  Anyway, if I worked one day, I'd have to call out the rest of the week because I couldn't move.  I had to gracefully bow out at Kmart.  Of course by gracefully I mean sobbing hysterically to my mother and my husband that I suck as a pregnant woman and I am a failure because I can't even stand for a few hours.  Hormones are fun.  I was convinced I was going to be a horrible mother because I had pregnancy back pain.  Rational argument, yes?

The exhaustion has gotten a little better.....this week actually.  Up until this week I'd fall asleep exhausted just from walking the dogs.  That was a fun process when I could barely walk too, but I digress.  There have been 2 bladder infections, dry sinuses, sore throat, headaches, dizziness, heartburn, shortness of breath, all sorts of fun things.  I told my sister that if there was a pregnancy symptom where my hair turned shocking pink by 6 months, I'd look like a clown right now.  It just seems like every single awful pregnancy symptom comes for me with a vengeance.  I'm not ashamed to say I'm not a huge fan of pregnancy.

That being said.  I feel her move inside me every day.  I'm short of breath because she's lying so high, my lungs don't have as much room as they used to.  I will give her that space because if my lungs are losing space, she is getting bigger and stronger.  I have heartburn because she is healthy enough to be big enough to give my stomach acid nowhere to go.  I get dizziness and weakness because she needs me to share the nutrients I put into my body so she can thrive.  I will take it.....all of it if it means she will be happy and healthy in the environment I"m providing her for the next few months.  Did you notice I said she?  At the end of this, I get a little girl!  My sweet baby girl is worth all of this.  As much as I'm not loving pregnancy, I'm loving this time with her.  A time where it's mostly just her and me.  She knows me inside, she knows my heartbeat.  She totally depends on me for everything.  I love this time where my husband comes home and talks to my belly and he can feel her move now.  As miserable as any one day can be, it's going so fast.  By summer, we'll have this little princess home with us.  I'll have to share her with everyone else.  There won't be a time in the middle of the night where I'm getting up to pee for the eighth time and feel her wiggling as I get settled back in bed.  No, I don't love being pregnant, but I love knowing my baby is safe inside me.  She'll be here soon.  I can't wait to hold her in my arms.

Is pregnancy smooth for me?  No.  Will it be next time?  Who knows.  However, as I prepare to welcome my first child into this world I know two things for sure.  First, she is the most important reason I will ever suffer anything, not just now, but for the rest of her life......and second,  if I'm lucky enough to be blessed with more children after her, I will take it all, just so they have a safe place to grow while we wait for them to be ready to come into this world.  

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