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Sunday, October 13, 2013

Superstitious

I just know the second I type this sentence I'm going to regret it.  Not that sentence, the next one coming right up.  I'm about a week and half restless leg free.  Great, now it's all out there in the universe and tonight I'll be flopping all over the place.  Oh well, it is what it is.  For almost an entire week I wouldn't go to bed without eating an orange because that's what I had right before I went to bed the first night my legs were calm.  Maybe it was the orange, maybe not.  However, I'm restless leg free without oranges.  I've been fighting those legs for years now.  I finally had to get on medicine.  Then, I was sick of relying on that medicine, and went back to fighting.....and won.  I didn't see that coming.

I also got a job.  I haven't started yet, but as soon as that background check comes back I'll be employed.  Temporarily.  I'm a seasonal employee of JC Penny.  I love that store, I just hope I love working there.  You see, I'm torn.  I need a job.  There is absolutely no doubt about that.  However, I worked very hard to get to a place where I was doing something I loved, with people who were awesome, and I got to be off weekends and holidays.  That was huge.  As many people I treasure those weekends and holidays because that's family time.  I can kiss those weekends goodbye real soon.  I may have to work on Thanksgiving too.  That's hard for me.  I feel like I'm going backwards, rapidly.  I loved working at UDF, but I missed out on everything and got depressed.  I was so happy to move onto jobs that so far have allowed me to have that free time.  So, yeah, I'm going backwards.

I'm not only losing those weekends and possibly Thanksgiving, but probably my evenings too.  I know, geeze, could I be any more doom and gloom about this job?  I blame the fact that I just finished watching The Walking Dead.  It's hard to be cheery after watching a show about the zombie apocalypse.  Anyway, I was told flat out that I cannot request any weekends off.  I'm smart enough to know the new, temporary girl, isn't going to get the good shifts.  So, if I'm working evenings, there's a good chance I'm not going to be seeing my husband too much during the week either.  He'll probably be in bed by the time I get home.

I don't want to sound ungrateful.  I'm so glad I finally have a job.  I just always thought I'd be moving forward, not backward.  It's just temporary.  Which is good and bad.  On one hand, after the holidays I can have my weekends back.  On the other hand, ummm, hello unemployment.....again.  I pray I have the strength to remain positive even though I may miss things I would have otherwise been doing with my family.  Go figure, my parents raised me to be close to my family.  That's why it's so upsetting to miss out on those family gatherings.  People I love have been lost way too soon.  I'm lucky to have had so many memories to cherish.  I don't want to miss out on making all those memories with the people I love that are still here.

I wonder what the me from 10 or 15 years ago would think of the me now.  Let's see, two years into college, I was working at UDF and wanting to move forward into my career.  It's kind of funny.  I'm about to be in a similar position.  I think the me from back then would laugh.  Oh well, moving on, moving forward.  Back then both my professional and romantic lives both sucked.  At least now my personal life is perfect.   Maybe this is just another step.  Maybe something great is waiting for me in my career.  Maybe it could hurry up and get here.

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